And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
