just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize