I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
So vagazzling was a success
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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