Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
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I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
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But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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