so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
