i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
