Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
