What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
