after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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