I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
