Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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