and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
