apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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