I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
