Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
