I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
