he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
