You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
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