I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
