I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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