You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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