how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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