Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
