Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
