I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
