We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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