Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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