you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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