I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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