Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
