she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
