Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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