oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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