thus making me awesome and them whores
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
