apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
