I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
