Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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