I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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