Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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