I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I have feelings that need drinking.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Randomize
