Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
