If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
