the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
