My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
