He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
