We won't sleep together?
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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