so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize