she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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