Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm passing your future prison.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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