you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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