6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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