Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
