M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
