God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
