I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
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Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
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You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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