We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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