I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
so much tequila, so little girl.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
