i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
