You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
