Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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