I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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