The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
