I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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