FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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