Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
