How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
It's blow job season.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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