I molested 6 butterflies tonight
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
