Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
honey bunches of taint.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
