I will die if light touches me.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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