I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So here I am, sexting at work.
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