Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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