Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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