This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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