Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
