I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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