You were right. It hurts to walk today.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?