So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
