You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN