He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
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You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
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we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night