they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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