Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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