is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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