I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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