Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
