Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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